Sometimes in life we encounter someone who is technically perfect. They may be a lover, Dominant or submissive. Initially they seem ideal, then as time passes gaps begin to show while logically they remain technically perfect.

These are the people who read avidly and are a source of excellent technical knowledge, yet something is missing. A lover or Dominant can be technically perfect, yet their performance leaves you unsatisfied. A submissive may make all the right moves, yet their service remains unsatisfying. They know all the right moves to make, the right things to do and say. Yet something remains missing. Does this sound familiar?

You may be wracking your brains to work out what is missing. The answer is simple…passion. A lover or Dominant can give a technically good performance, but without a passion for flesh and eye for detail, will never be able to adapt their technically perfect repertoire to accommodate an individuals idiosyncrasies. A gentle stroke can display tenderness, but too gentle can tickle or irritate, too firm can fail to display the gentleness of a moment. Lack of attention paid to a partner means that while the individual remains text-book perfect, the interaction lacks life or true engagement.

The technically perfect person is more concerned about giving a good perfomance than genuinely interacting. On the surface this seems to be born from vanity, but the truth is that this problem is founded in insecurity. Insecurity can be cause by many things, sometimes it’s because the person is relatively new at a role and has not yet found the joy of it. It can also be caused by enduring low self-esteem (yes, Dominants can suffer from this too!), which causes the individual to believe that their own creativity is rubbish or useless.

So how then may this situation be addressed? Frankly, sometimes it can’t. Many who are technically perfect will always remain so self-absorbed that when a negative response is displayed by a partner they mistakenly believe the partner should adapt to their text-book perfect ways. Others learn from skin and moans, and others will respond to open and honest discussion. Does the obstinate and self-absorbed person suffer from a deep seated arrogance? At times this is undoubtedly true. However, for some this is about a journey of self-discovery, and only once they learn to accept themselves will they ever learn to revel and delight in the variance of individual responses. Here we see the difference between those who are text-book perfect, and those who are highly skilled practitioners of their art; fluid in their skills, creative in their application and adaptable as people.

Reflectively

Mistress

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I had an interesting conversation recently where the subject of who serves who in a D/s relationship came up. Many Dominants would maintain that They serve no-one but Themselves, and that Their submissive serves Them. However, I would argue that the exchange which is negotiated so honestly and openly in this type of relationship does not bestow service more fully upon one person. Rather this openness ensures that, for a change, the exchange of service is actually more even.

Does not a Dominant serve when They enjoy playing with Their submissive? Who does the work in a play scene for the most part? Is it the submissive held in place by restraints receiving the sensations and stimulation’s they enjoy? Or is it the Dominant who lovingly secures the submissive and comes up with ever more imaginative methods to stimulate Their submissive?

Who gains when the submissive massages the feet of the Dominant, or performs some other duty? Is it the submissive who gets their need to serve Another met? Or is it the Dominant with pampered toes?

Which is the protected and which the protector? Does the Dominant who ensures that the submissive is held safe after a journey into subspace act as protector? Or is it the slave who ensures that all of the Dominants needs are met and stands between Them and everyday stress?

Who betrays their position?Is it the Dominant who ignores the use of a safeword by a submissive? Or is it the submissive who fails to check the health, boundaries and mental state of the Dominant they are about to play with?

Who holds responsibility? The Dominant who ensures that a scene is conducted safely while generating that most blissful of interactions? Or the submissive who elects where and with whom they lay their submission open?

Finally, who displays a lack of service? Is it when a Dominant decries Their submissive for voicing needs and desires, and clams the sub is “topping from the bottom”, and perhaps without knowing prevents the growth of the submissive? Or is it in the ignorance of a submissive for failing to accept the fact that their Dominant is a whole human being, and perceives any emotion other than obvious strength as “weakness”?

Who really serves?

Mistress

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